9. Battleground
(Brian Henson, 2006)
He was very good, very reliable, but what his customers paid for was the infallible predator's talent. John Renshaw was a human hawk, constructed by both genetics and environment to do two things superbly: kill and survive.
The Long and Short of It
Seasoned assassin John Renshaw, meet toy soldiers. Toy soldiers, seasoned assassin. I'm sure you'll get along.
Adaptation Decay
Improvement. Yes, we're finally hitting that level of quality. "Battleground" takes its name from a Stephen King story published in Night Shift, in which an assassin fights off a cursed box full of toy soldiers. This version, directed by Brian Henson (son of Jim Henson), keeps things simple. Incredibly simple. This is so simple that not a single line of dialogue is spoken. Instead, the drama depends on William Hurt knowing when to be silent, when to growl, and when to scream. If you think he isn't up to the task, you don't know William Hurt the way I do. The no-dialogue conceit is an ingenious decision, matched by another one, late in the story, in which we learn that the box of soldiers happened to feature - I kid you not - an elite commando. King didn't include an elite commando. Now, you might ask, why would the commando wait so long to attack? Renshaw would understand. Before you kill your prey, you must first observe...
Forget All That - How's the Movie?
With those improvements? With William Hurt? With a tight runtime? With this kind of premise? It's awesome is what it is. Brian Henson's history, working in special effects that lean on Lilliputian scales, proves invaluable. The soldiers and their various accessories convince, and their teeny little movements allow for some morbid humor. One of Renshaw's assaults results in a miniature D-Day horror show that inspires pity...until he starts stepping on the soldiers like cockroaches, and we remember exactly what's happening. Scripter Richard C. Matheson (son of Richard Matheson) boosts the story's length without padding it, and Hurt works perfectly as a no-nonsense guy who just landed in Nonsense City. Stephen King's early short stories most often function as sick jokes; Henson and Matheson and Hurt zero in on that wavelength and deliver. For what it is, "Battleground" is triumphant.
Sure, but Is It a Good Halloween Flick?
Kinda. Maybe. "Battleground" traffics more in thrills than outright scares, but it offers the high-concept wackiness that makes Halloween so much fun.
Seasoned assassin John Renshaw, meet toy soldiers. Toy soldiers, seasoned assassin. I'm sure you'll get along.
Adaptation Decay
Improvement. Yes, we're finally hitting that level of quality. "Battleground" takes its name from a Stephen King story published in Night Shift, in which an assassin fights off a cursed box full of toy soldiers. This version, directed by Brian Henson (son of Jim Henson), keeps things simple. Incredibly simple. This is so simple that not a single line of dialogue is spoken. Instead, the drama depends on William Hurt knowing when to be silent, when to growl, and when to scream. If you think he isn't up to the task, you don't know William Hurt the way I do. The no-dialogue conceit is an ingenious decision, matched by another one, late in the story, in which we learn that the box of soldiers happened to feature - I kid you not - an elite commando. King didn't include an elite commando. Now, you might ask, why would the commando wait so long to attack? Renshaw would understand. Before you kill your prey, you must first observe...
Forget All That - How's the Movie?
With those improvements? With William Hurt? With a tight runtime? With this kind of premise? It's awesome is what it is. Brian Henson's history, working in special effects that lean on Lilliputian scales, proves invaluable. The soldiers and their various accessories convince, and their teeny little movements allow for some morbid humor. One of Renshaw's assaults results in a miniature D-Day horror show that inspires pity...until he starts stepping on the soldiers like cockroaches, and we remember exactly what's happening. Scripter Richard C. Matheson (son of Richard Matheson) boosts the story's length without padding it, and Hurt works perfectly as a no-nonsense guy who just landed in Nonsense City. Stephen King's early short stories most often function as sick jokes; Henson and Matheson and Hurt zero in on that wavelength and deliver. For what it is, "Battleground" is triumphant.
Sure, but Is It a Good Halloween Flick?
Kinda. Maybe. "Battleground" traffics more in thrills than outright scares, but it offers the high-concept wackiness that makes Halloween so much fun.
And If That Ain't Enough
Check out the rest of Nightmares and Dreamscapes. Okay, not all of it. Three more episodes. "The End of the Whole Mess" is a clever faux-documentary about two brothers (Henry Thomas and Ron Livingston) who try to cure violence itself. "The Fifth Quarter" is a fun little potboiler about a modern-day treasure map and the double-crossing crooks chasing it. "Umney's Last Case" has William H. Macy playing both a private eye and the bored writer who created him - is there a way they could swap realities? No. No, there isn't. But ignore that. I've already warned you about "The Road Virus."
Kingwatch 2012
King devotees will notice that Renshaw's dangerous escape from his bathroom involves walking a ledge.
Horror devotees will notice that Renshaw's case of trophies includes the Zuni Fetish Doll from Trilogy of Terror.
Devotees will also recognize that Trilogy of Terror, a 1975 made-for-TV movie, was based on three stories by Richard Matheson. Look at Henson, just homaging away.
Horror devotees will notice that Renshaw's case of trophies includes the Zuni Fetish Doll from Trilogy of Terror.
Devotees will also recognize that Trilogy of Terror, a 1975 made-for-TV movie, was based on three stories by Richard Matheson. Look at Henson, just homaging away.
But You Know What Sucks?
9. Creepshow 2
(Michael Gornick, 1987)
Ladies and gentlemen, your...villain.
Separated by Heavy Metal-style animated interludes that heroically pad the runtime, this tedious piece of crap, authored by Romero, offers exactly one Stephen King tale between two derivative stories of revenge that offer none of the style or fun of the original. Can King's contribution save the film? Nope. His contribution, "The Raft," is a crummy port of a crummy story in Skeleton Crew about some crummy teenagers who get on a raft and get chased around by...well, I think it's supposed to be a horrifying sentient protoplasm, but it looks like a tarp covered in maple syrup. Doesn't help matters that the only memorable part of the segment involves one of the "heroes" copping a feel from his sleeping girlfriend while the syrup-tarp yanks on her hair. Stop it, movie.
A Stephen King Halloween
01. ?
02. ?
03. ?
04. ?
05. Stand By Me / Dreamcatcher
06. The Dead Zone / The Mangler
07. Misery / Sometimes They Come Back
08. The Mist / Firestarter
09. "Battleground" / Creepshow 2
10. Creepshow / "The Road Virus Heads North"
11. Dolores Claiborne / The Tommyknockers (TV)
12. The Stand (TV) / Maximum Overdrive
13. 1408 / The Lawnmower Man
14. Christine / Silver Bullet
15. Cat's Eye / Thinner
HM. Hearts in Atlantis / The Shining (TV)
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