NOTE: This is the second part of a month-long extended multi-part look at various horror (/sci-fi/fantasy) series. The schedule's been adjusted to:
08/06: The 13 Best X-Files Episodes
09/12: The 9 Best Angel Episodes
09/24: Review: American Horror Story
??/??: The Twilight Zone
??/??: The Twilight Zone
8. "Family"
Written by Brent Hanley
Directed by John Landis
Season 2
Harold Thompson (George Wendt) spends his life pursuing the perfect family. "Pursuing," in this case, refers to his habit of murdering people, dipping them in acid, and keeping their remains. The sick joke of "Family" is that Harold's never quite in control of the corpses. They have their own opinions about how good of a father... or son... or husband he might be. That last point opens him up to the idea of swapping in a new wife. Namely, the comely woman (Meredith Monroe) who just moved next door. Writer Brent Hanley (Frailty) adds a nasty EC Comics twist, and George Wendt finds the sinister side of his teddy bear persona.
7. "Sick Girl"
Written by Sean Hood
Directed by Lucky McKee
Season 1
Director Lucky McKee (May, The Woman) has a thing for stories about women consumed by their power and malice. In "Sick Girl," the dark angel is Erin Brown's Misty Falls (yep). Misty has a hardcore crush on Ida Teeter (Angela Bettis), and she'll be damned if a mysterious insect impregnating her with its young is gonna get in the way. As "Sick Girl" develops, it swings from cheap gags about masturbation to darker implications about how little we can know about the people we love. Probably the daffiest Masters episode, and easily the most unique.
6. "Incident On and Off a Mountain Road"
Written by Don Coscarelli and Stephen Romano
Directed by Don Doscarelli
Season 1
Based on a short story by author Joe R. Lansdale (Bubba Ho-Tep, the Hap and Leonard series), "Incident On and Off a Mountain Road" reheats a familiar meal: a big evil guy with a big evil knife stalks a woman in the woods. What makes "Incident" fun is that the girl (Bree Turner) just happens to have a whole mess of survival skills, courtesy of her last boyfriend (Ethan Embry). Don Coscarelli (the Phantasm series) scales back from his usual dark fantasy mode and moves nicely into Texas Chain Saw territory, while Bree Turner refuses to play victim. Maybe it's because of what she has in her trunk...
5. "Homecoming"
Written by Sam Hamm
Directed by Joe Dante
Season 1
I've discussed this episode in greater detail, but here's the long and short of it. If you're not in the mood for a nakedly anti-Bush/Cheney screed thinly masked as a zombie story, skip "Homecoming." Otherwise, enjoy a sometimes-sly, sometimes-broad indictment of all things related to the politics of 2005.
4. "The Screwfly Solution"
Written by Sam Hamm
Directed by Joe Dante
Season 2
It's a short leap from real-life violence against women to the premise of "The Screwfly Solution," which turns that violence into a global pandemic. Men are killing women at an alarming rate, and, curiously, the violence starts along a single line of latitude. Hrmm. Before long, men are attacking strippers, government officials, wives and daughters - anyone short a Y chromosome. Some of those scenes of men attacking women truly shock (a scene with barb wire still makes me wince), and the story doesn't accelerate so much as deflate. One by one, the women disappear, and the last one we see (Kerry Norton) has no hope in her eyes.
3. "The Fair-Haired Child"
Written by Matt Greenberg
Directed by William Malone
Season 1
Masters of Horror didn't always match its directors to its lofty title. One example is William Malone, who once directed the deeply dumb Feardotcom. This makes "The Fair-Haired Child" a surprise: a confident, stylish episode with a surreal streak. The story focuses on a girl captured by an older couple trapped in some kind of Faustian bargain - they stick her in their basement, which holds another young captive and a warning: "Beware the fair haired child." The dark fairy tale vibe feels just right for the hour-long format, and the monster in the basement has the blank eyes and jittery movement of all nightmare creatures.
2. "Cigarette Burns"
Written by Drew McWeeny and Scott Swan
Directed by John Carpenter
Season 1
"Le Fin Absolue du Monde" is the kind of horror movie that drives people to insanity, compelling them to stab out their eyes or eviscerate themselves. A companion piece to Chambers' "The King in Yellow" or maybe Sandler's "Jack and Jill." Kirby Sweetman (Norman Reedus, The Walking Dead) needs to get "Le Fin" to a film collector and use the money to save his dilapidated two-screen theater. Instead, he falls victim to the book's allure, and his global search leads to a rogue's gallery of victims and lunatics. The clips of "Le Fin" aren't inspired, but the dark reverence surrounding the film produces an episode brimming with mystery.
1. The Black Cat
Written by Stuart Gordon and Dennis Paoli
Directed by Stuart Gordon
Season 2
Although "The Black Cat" lacks the gory, visceral punch of "Cigarette Burns," Stuart Gordon's second entry into Masters is so damned good, in so many other ways, that it stands as the very best of this series. The episode takes Edgar Allan Poe's short story about a man tortured by a devilish feline and reworks it so the tortured soul is Poe himself. This allows Jeffrey Combs (Re-Animator) to show a mastery of the author's Southern drawl, questionable attractions, and starving artist alcoholism. Surrounding Combs is a lush 1800's townscape, with most of the color sucked out of the setting. Except for the reds of fire and blood.
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